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by Dan Siano
 36
CRAZYFISTS - The Tide And It’s Takers
(www.ferretstyle.com)
What a chore. This band, to me, represents metalcore
at its most bland, banal, and predictable. Seriously,
it’s as if these guys aren’t even
trying. Everything is just so standard and formulaic
that it all blends together in one monotonous
42:58 song. Screamed verses to sung choruses,
synchronized syncopated kick drum/bass/rhythm
guitars, whiny lyrics of “personal struggles”
and breakdowns galore-all the things that make
metalcore awful-are fully represented and on prominent
display. Opener “The All Night Lights”
practically has the bass and rhythm guitars riding
one note throughout its duration (you guessed
it, the open low string). There is no lead guitar
presence on this album whatsoever. Usually this
type of band will at least have a ton of flashy
guitar playing to make up for the shoddy songwriting
(see my previous review for THE AUTUMN OFFERING).
There is not one guitar solo on this record. And
what the hell is going on in “Only A Year
Or So…”? I think the monologues that
are masquerading as verses in this song are supposed
to be introspective and deep, but I ended up laughing
heartily. Only once does this band attempt thrash
metal, at the beginning of “Absent Are The
Saints”. And they really must be commended
for this, as most shitty metalcore bands that
attempt to play thrash only succeed in dragging
the concept through the mud. These guys had the
good sense to not try and be something they are
not. There are 11 songs on this record, and you
can get the same effect by playing any one of
these songs 11 times in a row. Skip this one altogether.
 APOCALYPTICA-Worlds
Collide (www.zombalabelgroup.com)
APOCALYPTICA is sort of a gimmick act that has
gone on for far too long. Cello metal. Yeah, you
heard that right. Four Finnish dudes got their
start rocking cellos playing METALLICA, among
other covers. Since then, they have added a drummer
and have gone on have their original tunes be
the bulk of their repertoire. Distorted and effected
cellos can have a cool sound, but it is not enough
to carry metal tunes and serve as a replacement
for guitars. Given their penchant for cover tunes,
I had my fingers crossed tightly that “I’m
Not Jesus” would be THE RAMONES pseudo-classic
of the same name from the Halfway To Sanity album.
Sadly, I was bitterly disappointed to hear the
jackass from SLIPKNOT crooning over a very mediocre
original song. The guest star list is impressive,
I guess. That is if you love commercial personalities
adding more novelty to an already gimmick filled
album. Singers from SLIPKNOT, LACUNA COIL, THREE
DAYS GRACE and RAMMSTEIN all make appearances.
Hell, even Dave Lombardo makes a cameo. Even though
the majority of this band’s catalog is original
material, and even though I am usually turned
off by a band making cover tunes the bulk of its
material, I was hoping this would be an album
of covers. Then, I could be mildly entertained
by somewhat unique renditions of tunes I know.
The only one I get this go-round is “Helden”
which is a mangled and auf Deutsch version of
David Bowie’s “Heroes”. A song
I could care less about. These guys can play,
and there is absolutely no doubt about that. And
they also get some amazing sounds out of these
cellos (check out the theremin imitation in the
beginning of shred workout “Last Hope”).
But I personally have a hard time getting past
the novelty of it all. Check it out if you are
looking for something different and beyond the
standard metal fare.
APOCALYPTICA-The Life Burns Tour DVD (www.zombalabelgroup.com)
I’m sorry but I probably laughed my balls
off too much while watching this DVD. There
is something inherently and unintentionally
funny about seeing 4 dudes headbanging, rocking
out, and trying to pump up a crowd while playing
cellos. I mean, the one guy standing up to face
the drummer while still sawing away at his cello
in “Quutamo” is hilarious. The weirdest
part about it all is a general admission standing
room crowd is rocking out hard and headbanging
like crazy. Being in a quasi-classical environment,
you’d bet on them playing a seated venue.
Go figure.
I will give these guys a ton of credit though;
“Master Of Puppets” is hard enough
to play on a guitar. I can’t even fathom
how hard it must be to adapt that to cello.
I kind of wrote them off in my review of the
Worlds Collide album, but actually visualizing
this stuff puts it into a different perspective
for me. It is uncanny how a distorted cello
resembles a distorted guitar. I still feel that
these guys are a total novelty act, but try
as I might, I just cannot fault them musically.
These guys are top-notch virtuosos. “Fight
Fire With Fire”? Holy shit. These guys
are shredding like Hammett note for note on
a goddamn cello. That’s mind boggling
to me. The novelty of this band shredding METALLICA
and SEPULTURA (“Inquisition Symphony”(!)
and “Refuse/Resist”) on cellos wears
off quick when they launch into their original
tunes. This is where this band is sorely lacking.
While there are quite a bit of impressive sections,
like the 16th note triplet sequence throughout
“Betrayal”, the songs in of themselves
are not noteworthy by any means.
The production values of the DVD are excellent.
Multiple cameras catch all the nuances of all
4 cellists (as well a drummer Mikko Siren).
The color scheme is nteresting; it’s not
very saturated and teeters on black and white.
It fits the mood of the sort of gothic image
the band is running with. The audio mix is a
pristine 5.1 surround, with (like most live
DVD’s mixed in 5.1) the extraneous crowd
mixed in the rear speakers. You really get the
sense of their musicianship with a mix like
this; all the playing comes at you from the
front.
Bonus features include a tour documentary,
a behind the scenes in the studio video for
“Repressed”, and 7 music videos.
Get it if you are a die-hard APOCALTYPTICA fan,
or if you are looking for a break from your
usual metal intake.
 BLOODBATH-“Unblessing
The Purity” EP (www.peaceville.com)
Fuck YES. BLOODBATH has returned from a 4-year
layoff with an absolutely vicious EP, which
triumphantly marks the return of Mikael Akerfeldt
of OPETH on vocals. For those who aren’t
in the know, BLOODBATH was initially assembled
in 1999 as a tribute to old-school Swedish death
metal (of the Stockholm variety) by members
of OPETH, KATATONIA, and EDGE OF SANITY. They
have progressed since then, incorporating a
more American death metal influence (a la MORBID
ANGEL) on this EP as well as their last full
length, 2004’s Nightmares Made Flesh.
This EP continues in this vein, as well a introducing
a very subtle black metal influence (most notably
on opener “Blasting The Virginborn”).
But make no mistake, BLOODBATH is still full
on death metal, with the bulk of the material
following along in a DISMEMBER meets MORBID
ANGEL in a dark alleyway vibe. Martin “Axe”
Axenrot is a monster behind the kit, the riffs
of Anders “Blakkheim” Nystrom and
new guitarist Per “Sodomizer” Eriksson
slay with no mercy, and Akerfeldt is truly brutal
on vocals. What more do you need to know? Buy
it.
 TESTAMENT-The
Formation Of Damnation (www.nuclearblastusa.com)
There is a ton of hoopla surrounding this new
TESTAMENT record. Firstly, and most significantly,
Alex Skolnick and Greg Christian return to the
fold since 1993 and 1996, on lead guitars and
bass, respectively. Along side vocalist Chuck
Billy and rhythm guitarist Eric Peterson, this
signifies the reunion of the “classic”
lineup (cannot be called “original”
because of drummer Louie Clemente’s non
participation; he was first replaced by Nick
Barker (ex-CRADLE OF FILTH/DIMMU BORGIR/LOCKUP)
and currently by Paul Bostaph (ex-SLAYER/FORBIDDEN/EXODUS).)
Secondly, this is the first new material from
TESTAMENT in nearly 10 years, since 1999’s
The Gathering.
So how does it stack up to all the hype and
anticipation? Truthfully, it’s not horrible,
but it isn’t awesome either. Overall it
can be most accurately compared to any record
from 1989-1992. “More Than Meets The Eye”
and “The Evil Has Landed”, the first
two proper songs, chug along in a mid-paced
mode. The band is in great musical form, but
these songs are just lacking a spark that’s
crucial to thrash. The title track is where
things get going; a storming thrasher this one
is. This is the only song that has truly retained
the elements introduced to the band on 1994’s
Low and onward-relentless speed, and harsh death
metal influenced vocals. But after this they,
for the most part, continue to chug at mid-paced
tempi. Then there is case of TESTAMENT being
influenced by the bands that TESTAMENT influenced.
“The Persecuted Won’t Forget”
literally sounds like Gossow-era ARCH ENEMY.
I chalk this up to TESTAMENT’s need to
stay current; and I guess there are worse bands
they can be influenced by. “Henchmen Ride”
is a cool stomper with a ripping thrash mid-section.
This one hearkens back to Practice What You
Preach and earlier. Thankfully, they have spared
us of any “Return To Serenity”-esque
ballad tomfoolery.
I will say this; the musicianship on this record
is outstanding. Peterson and Christian lock
in tight as hell-like they never parted ways
in 1996. Skolnick’s playing is as it always
was-fluid, melodic, modal, and very vocal like.
The years spent out of metal and playing jazz
has really pushed his leads into a whole other
dimension. Taken out of context, one can almost
envision these guitar leads played on an alto
or soprano sax. Paul Bostaph, however, steals
the show here. The double kicks are fast, clean,
and accurate. His hands are just blazing, and
strictly in terms of tone, this is the best
he’s ever sounded. This album, as well
as EXODUS’ Shovel Headed Kill Machine,
proves that SLAYER was holding him back. Bold
claim I know, but seriously, when has anyone
ever heard this guy play this viciously, this
fiery, and as powerful as he’s playing
now? Not even on Divine Intervention. This is
the best drum performance on a TESTAMENT record,
even besting Dave Lombardo on The Gathering,
Gene Hoglan on Demonic (the only good thing
about that record), and John Tempesta on Low.
Chuck Billy is in top form as well, his clean
raspy singing voice dominating the proceedings.
He does manage to sneak in some harsh vocals,
most notably in the title track.
This is not a horrible album by any means and
it is definitely worthy of the TESTAMENT name.
I’d sooner put on Low, The Gathering,
or Practice What You Preach before this, but
this is a solid album nonetheless. Recommended
to TESTAMENT fans as well as anyone doesn’t
like to get any more extreme than say ARCH ENEMY
or SLAYER. Decent stuff.
 5IVE-Hesperus
(www.tortugarecordings.com)
5IVE (a.k.a. 5IVE’S CONTINUUM RESEARCH PROJECT),
a instrumental duo based out of Boston, play a
interesting-but ultimately unrewarding-mix of
post metal, stoner doom, and drone. Most of the
tunes rely on two, maybe three, riffs and they
ebb and flow in very predictable patterns. You
know, riff A played loud 8 times, followed by
riff B played soft 8 times, etc, etc. Sometimes
they’ll throw something on top of the mix
to spice things up and the wah-wah and reverb
drenched guitar solo in the all too short “Kettle
Cove” sticks out as a good example of this.
This band has one of the best guitar tones this
side of SLEEP, and drummer Charlie Harrold grooves
like a motherfucker, but that isn’t enough
to give this album the crucial-for-the-genre atmosphere
that this record is sorely lacking. Not horrible,
but totally forgettable.
DEAD TO FALL - Are You Serious? (www.victoryrecords.com)
No, DEAD TO FALL, are you serious? DEAD TO FALL
loves all things Swedish, from the Gothenburg
death metal of “Stupid?” and “Doombox”
to the blatant Meshuggah-isms in “The Future”
and “Brainmelter”. DEAD TO FALL are
yet another disposable metalcore band and are
totally derivative of their influences to the
point of total rip-off. I’m sick to death
of these bands that go from melodic “thrash”
riffs straight into lame hardcore breakdowns.
It takes DEAD TO FALL all of 52 seconds to break
it down in “Major Rager”. There is
one, and I mean only one, interesting aspect to
this record and that’s the over usage of
theremin in “The Future”. Merit. Demerit
for the sub par attempt at an atmospheric ballad
in “Loch Ness”. Listen to “Beyond
The Realms Of Death” instead. This band
needs to shit or get off the pot; stop blatantly
ripping other bands off or break up…
…and in an interesting epilogue to
this review, DEAD TO FALL split up on 4/8/2008,
less than two months after this record’s
2/19/2008 release date. Way to go, gents. –Dan
Siano
SPYDER BABY - Let Us Prey (www.blindprophecyrecords.com)
Wow. Judging by the picture included I was expecting
absolute MARILYN MANSON worship-not a good thing
at all. Turns out I was partially right. Let
Us Prey kicks off (after an intro) with “Bugs
Crawl In”, a mediocre, but nonetheless catchy
punk sing-along. But “Goodbye” comes
along and spoils it with…MANSON worship.
Then, as if on cue, the next tune “Days
Go On” hits me with a formulaic half and
half mix of both sounds. And that’s sort
of what you get with this record-intros, punk
numbers, pseudo-“industrial metal”,
and hybrids. “Bitter” is a tolerable
MINISTRY approximation right down to the obviously
programmed drums and the record is chock full
of tasty synth sounds, particularly in “The
Worms” with it’s subtly mixed trumpet
and sitar sounds. Vocally is where this album
fails miserably; this aspect is where the MANSON
influences are strongest. All in all, this record
is wholly mediocre.
 BLACK
TIDE - Light From Above (www.interscope.com)
Man, I don’t know about this recent resurgence
of thrash and classic 80’s metal. It seems
really disingenuous. For the duration of this
sampler, I continuously ask myself, “Why
are they doing this?” While well played,
there is nothing here that has not been done
a million times before implying that there is
no real reason for this band to exist. The riffs
and structures are completely plagiarized from
Priest, Maiden, and Metallica. Seriously, Maiden
should sue these guys over “Warriors Of
Time”. I just get this feeling that this
band was manufactured from the ground up.
My feeling of suspicion is doubly compounded
when I read the bio and find out that they are
kids. Literally. The average age of these band
members is 16, with vocalist, lead guitarist,
and visionary Gabriel Garcia being the ripe
old age of 14. The bio also states that this
band will “introduce a harder rocking
sound to those who are too young to remember.”
Now don’t get me wrong, I am mildly impressed
by the skill level on display, but I don’t
need a 14-year-old kid to tell me about metal.
This just reeks of a pure major label gimmick
band with a bunch of P.R. guys pulling all the
strings. I’m insulted.
 INHUMAN
- Last Rites (www.iscreamrecords.com)
Good old fashioned hardcore. Heavy, simplistic,
and totally pit ready. I’m not a fan of
hardcore, and this is no exception. For the
most part INHUMAN coasts along with a brand
of hardcore that is generic and by the numbers.
There are a few notable exceptions, one being
standout track “What You Wanted”.
This one is a cool melodic punk sing-along.
Good tune. The stronger tunes are the more up-tempo
ones like “Fashist”, “The
Dream Is Not Dead”, and “A Fine
Line”. These guys don’t screw around
with the formula (two-step to breakdown), and
it works for them. Solid, play it safe hardcore
for fans who don’t need anything else.
Hatebreed, Agnostic Front, Sick Of It All, and
Madball fans take note.
 OPETH
- The Roundhouse Tapes (www.peaceville.com)
Now THIS is what I’m talking about! OPETH
is a band that needs no introduction. Worshipped
by many and hated by just as many, OPETH are
one of the indisputable leaders of the progressive
metal movement. And with this, their second
live document, OPETH further establishes themselves
as a premier live act; something I can personally
attest to having seen them live four times.
And like my experiences and the Lamentations
DVD, this double CD emphasizes OPETH’s
penchant for never playing standard repetitive
setlists (with the exception on requisite closer
“Demon Of The Fall”). It almost
seem OPETH went out of their way to play noting
but the deepest cuts for this recording, opening
with “When”(!) and going through
“Under The Weeping Moon”, “Face
Of Melinda” “The Night And The Silent
Water”, and “Blackwater Park”.
“Bleak” and “Windowpane”
are the more “standard” cuts and
“Ghost Of Perdition” rounds this
collection out making Deliverance the only album
not represented. Unfortunate considering the
obscure material theme, they could’ve
easily burned the house down with either “Wreath”
or “By The Pain I See In Others”
(also, “Moonlapse Vertigo” from
Still Life would’ve killed). But this
is a very minor gripe.
Despite the complexity and length of these
compositions, OPETH never misses a beat and
only seem to be getting better and more confident.
Mikael Akerfeldt’s vocals are as strong
as ever and the transitions from growling to
singing is always amazing to me as the harsh,
deep growling never seems to affect the singing.
The soft spoken, mellow demeanor and in-jokes
between songs are hilarious as usual as it is
in extreme contrast to the music (it’s
particularly funny when he dismisses the lyrics
of “Under The Weeping Moon” as “black
metal nonsense”). This is guitarist Peter
Lindgren’s swan song with the band and
his presence will be missed. The rapport as
guitar players between Lindgren and Akerfeldt
is uncanny and integral to the OPETH sound.
I have not seen them live with new guitarist
Fredrik Akesson yet, but he has some mighty
big shoes to fill. Per Wiberg has fully assimilated
himself into the band by this point providing
tasteful organ, piano, and mellotron to the
old pieces and harmonizing flawlessly with Akerfeldt.
This is Martin Axenrot’s recorded debut
with the band and I initially approached his
entrance with the band with trepidation. Axenrot
and former drummer Martin Lopez have very different
approaches to drumming. Generally, Lopez plays
more loose and improvisational and Axenrot is
more stiff and precise. But when I saw them
live in 2006 and further cemented by this live
album, Axenrot was an excellent choice and provides
and excellent foundation for the rest of the
band. I eagerly await the studio debut of Axenrot
(and Akesson, a supposed amazing shredder) in
2008. Stalwart Martin Mendez rounds off the
band’s lineup on bass and subtly adds
color when needed but primarily holds the harmonic
structure of the pieces together like glue.
I can’t praise this band or this live
album any more than I already have. If you are
a OPETH fan, or a fan of progressive metal,
and you don’t already own this, then what
are you waiting for? Essential.
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